C'est la vie此情可待成追忆, 只是当时已惘然 So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past

在我第五次洗脸的时候，

我发现，我一天运动两顿喝四顿咖啡看两顿电影吃一顿饭吃四顿水果学两顿外语读两顿书弹一顿琴有些日子里淋三顿雨

顿时

我就发现漏掉了还应该抬头仰望一顿午后de阳光

   -回复

   什么肉都不想吃还有素可以吃，什么饮料都不想喝还有啤酒可以喝，什么人都不喜欢还有我可以喜欢，不吃不喝不喜欢人是不行的，小朋友，你一定要坚持活下去，活下去我们才能愤怒，活下去我们才能说我爱你。
                                                                                                              知名不具

征兆

亲爱的，
       最近我发现，我什么肉都不想吃，什么饮料都不想喝，什么人都喜欢不上，种种征兆表明，我大概活不下去了，怎么办呢
                                                                                    

I finished re reading Catcher in the Rye today and started murakami's dance! dance! dance!. That makes me sorta talk like Holden now. For chrissake.
Then I went to the goddam swimming pool. For chrissake, everytime I went past the changing room it was like so fucking dirty. I swear I wont ever come here again. But always then i'd come back. The pool's nasty like hell. I mean there are about a thousand fat middle-aged men in it. Fat middle-aged men never look decent, for chrissake. And what kills me, they don't swim. Everytime there are some men in the pool who dont swim or not even in the least decent way, it kills me. You can imagine these bastards spit in the pool. Boy, was it fucked up. It's just such a helluva lousy place.
Anyways, I still went this lousy place this day after i'd sweared a thousand times because i felt a lousy person. I did. Jesus sometimes I hate myself like hell for that.
The reason why i did all these, i sorta felt awful and wanted to feel be somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I dont even know why. I mean sometimes i can be like a goddamn madman. I can even start sorta crying out of a sudden these days. That scared the hell of out of me. It did, i swear to god. If you want to know the truth, I suddenly felt like smoking when i was deep like hell down under the water. It's sorta funny though, if you start to think about it.
This lovely girl I met at the pool the other day, she's just bright and all. And she does fine arts. That kills me. Everytime you meet some people that's real nice and bright and all , and they turned out to be some goddamn artists, it kills you. I mean, people that aint fucked up enough's not gonna make an artist. And i can't even start thinking about that problem. It always gives me a headache. What i think was, i guess, if you're a real kind person and all you won't go some goddamn election. And if I'm a guy picking up a girlfriend my girl would not be going stupid shopping with the other giggling stupid girls talking crap while she sees starving kids in somewhere in the world. If you know what I mean. I can't explain why I had all these crazy ideas, they kill me, they did. But i just do. I know I do have some stubborn ideas, or what they call predjudice.
But anyways, i figured i'd just call her this nice girl i met at the pool and stop talking about anything about design with her. This nice girl, she's smart. For chrissake, i just love smart people. She came to the swimming pool knowing nothing about swimming but Gou Pa the first day. And what i did, i taught her breaststroke the first day and freestyle the second. Then my dad saw it and said, look that girl freestyles better than you do.

Anyways, i guess i'd better cut the crap, i mean, i wrote too much, and don't even know what the hell i'm talking about, cuz it totally shifted from where i started from. Now what i'm thinking about its, i'm gonna meet ruosin at starbucks tomorrow, the chinese girl from german i met in Canada, jesus christ. I mean, fianally.
Start to think about it, i'm hopefully gonna meet Holden the Forza in a few days. I love talking to him, I really do.

Boy, was i crazy. For chrissake, i read too much catcher in the rye.

上车前， 我期盼着坐到一个面前有小桌子的座位， 可以在上面摊看一本挪威的森林， 时不时抬头望一望窗外，在火车的摇晃和两边的窗子里倾泻而入的同样摇晃的阳光中阅读。 结果， 我果真如愿分到了这样一个座位， 结果就六个人十二目相对。
我也不管， 开始埋头看书，重读挪威的森林。 好在， 很快我便进入了书中的世界，又远离了周围的时空， 连旁边拼命狼嚎了一个小时的婴儿哭声都没有听到。

 不料， 这车提速提的令人大跌眼镜，竟然不到一个小时就到了深圳。于是， 想写的东西也感到没有充裕的时间开始写，于是作罢。 提早两个小时到了，这还是头一回，于是便只好在学校里逛逛，无所事事。时空有些变形， 我一下子感到有些难以适应。

我戴上耳机，努力想使自己还停留在京都的时空之中，怎奈一到这里，便感到周围的力量太过强大，我越是努力想抓住这欲逃走的时空，我越感到它更强烈地跑走。于是我断定，一定是我的耳机太小，我决定要去买一个大大的包住头的那种，把自己和所有人隔开。

又接了几个现实的电话，时空一下子又不现实了。

今天看到一句非常有道理的话，实际上写出来无所特别之处，甚至相当陈词滥调，当时却给我留下相当的震撼，仿佛突然之间混沌的大脑ding的一下醒悟了， 究其缘由，大概特别之出在于说这话的这人 - 连此君原来都有这等想法，自己原来一直后知后觉， 想来愚蠢了

基本意思是，你现在最重要的是，抓紧机会试没没试过的事，不必为任何事情搞得自己太累，整天像中学生似的，（整日计数的日子倒真和中学没有任何区别）， 亦别太用大脑，想太多以后的事情，因为以后多的让你想的，一辈子都逃不掉；暑假则要尽力无聊，原来暑假这个东西是过一个少一个，在有条件无聊的时候应该珍 惜，不必像那些社会的积极分子贡献有建设性的事，不管怎么说反正我也不是个上进的人；享受生活，跟着感觉走，趁还有无知者无畏的资本时；有机会疯狂就疯 狂， 总结之来便是及时行乐。

 此刻想来，这样的道理有意大利人，荷兰人，美国人，和中国人分别对我说过， 村上想必亦是推崇的。似乎在这混沌疲劳的一天之末突然之间才领悟到。心里似乎一下子轻松了，仿佛直子绷紧的肩放下来了。我要记住。

 

looking for whatever i can get. 

为什么日子总是在退步

为什么总在怀念无知的时代

为什么开始回味纯真的相当fundamental的drawing fundamental

和

和筱琛enjoy过的tim carey的每一堂lecture, "or whatever u call it''.

哦 工人们总是举着镰刀锤子

哦 工人们总是想造反

纺织机想， 哦， 我只是想认真地踩完这卷布

I’ve been living the standard CSI life. Going to CSI-BALLY in the day and watch CSI-Miami at night. And this morning when my CSI life officially ends I set off to jump into the pool.

第一次下水
我记得去年, 或者前年夏天记录下过这样的经历.
还记得当时许久不曾踏水的生疏感和一头扎进冰凉世界享受不能承受之轻away from trouble的refreshing feeling.
而今天走在去游泳池的路上只觉得离上一次游泳的时空一点距离也没有
完全没有任何新鲜感, 生疏感.
我清楚地能够想像到身体在水中的感觉.
于是我便越想越失望了
垂头丧气地走进去.
看来 这一年过得实在是快了
或许, 人一不思考, 时间就过得快?
(但是, 人一思考, 上帝就要发笑呀?)

After hanging at CSI-BALLY for a month, I now naturally found bgy swimming pool seems so low-class, dirty, disgusting, crowded…… ok yeah I’m obsessed, I can’t stand anything dirty in the change room.

在水中
我正在下沉
我游的是越来越差了
我郁闷地想着
蝶泳都蝶不起来了

我正式决定我受不了这更衣室了
I wish I’m never coming again
当然我还希望很多事情. 比如
I wish to have my own swimming pool….

三下, 两下, 争取一下搞定
我的蝶泳
我终于蝶到岸了.

 

 

[edit]这弄不好的字体本来令我十分恼火, 可是一瞬间我突然上喜欢上了, 有了水中泡泡大大小小的感觉...

她说:"30小时其实不长也不短." 我笑一笑没有反驳什么.当火车开启的那一刹那;当车窗另一端那张面孔开始模糊的时候,我方清醒的意识到-------30小时里面竟然透着我要寻找的永恒.
   坐30小时的火车的确不是件轻松的事情,但有你相伴走过,却发现时间的走法有些不像寻常.
   我开始回忆那点点滴滴的画面,以免当其未牢固之时被风吹走.我发现最为清晰的画面并非那两次另我眩晕的激情,而是挽手同路时偶然四目相对那会心的微笑,那笑容分明是如此那般的熟悉,那里面竟然浸透着无比温存的抚慰.
   当我从站台上站起开始擦拭泪水的时候,迎面冷风吹来,我猛的觉得那一切并非一定是现实,只不过是一部别人的电影,但当发现自己身上清晰可见的伤痕的时候我又觉得自己的确是被深深的刻在了某处.
   我盘算着若从这里再坐30小时的火车会通往哪里,到达的地方会距你有多远,我试图找到一个列车员将这一切问个清楚,却发现周围全无一人,只有来来往往不知去往哪里的列车......

茶山林深树密，晨雾弥漫、白露为霜，于无人惊觉时我悄进茶林，看娇羞的童子面茶花开在朦胧。花非花，树非树，人迹板桥，何人能赏？