C'est la vie此情可待成追忆, 只是当时已惘然 So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past

I finished re reading Catcher in the Rye today and started murakami's dance! dance! dance!. That makes me sorta talk like Holden now. For chrissake.
Then I went to the goddam swimming pool. For chrissake, everytime I went past the changing room it was like so fucking dirty. I swear I wont ever come here again. But always then i'd come back. The pool's nasty like hell. I mean there are about a thousand fat middle-aged men in it. Fat middle-aged men never look decent, for chrissake. And what kills me, they don't swim. Everytime there are some men in the pool who dont swim or not even in the least decent way, it kills me. You can imagine these bastards spit in the pool. Boy, was it fucked up. It's just such a helluva lousy place.
Anyways, I still went this lousy place this day after i'd sweared a thousand times because i felt a lousy person. I did. Jesus sometimes I hate myself like hell for that.
The reason why i did all these, i sorta felt awful and wanted to feel be somewhere in the middle of nowhere. I dont even know why. I mean sometimes i can be like a goddamn madman. I can even start sorta crying out of a sudden these days. That scared the hell of out of me. It did, i swear to god. If you want to know the truth, I suddenly felt like smoking when i was deep like hell down under the water. It's sorta funny though, if you start to think about it.
This lovely girl I met at the pool the other day, she's just bright and all. And she does fine arts. That kills me. Everytime you meet some people that's real nice and bright and all , and they turned out to be some goddamn artists, it kills you. I mean, people that aint fucked up enough's not gonna make an artist. And i can't even start thinking about that problem. It always gives me a headache. What i think was, i guess, if you're a real kind person and all you won't go some goddamn election. And if I'm a guy picking up a girlfriend my girl would not be going stupid shopping with the other giggling stupid girls talking crap while she sees starving kids in somewhere in the world. If you know what I mean. I can't explain why I had all these crazy ideas, they kill me, they did. But i just do. I know I do have some stubborn ideas, or what they call predjudice.
But anyways, i figured i'd just call her this nice girl i met at the pool and stop talking about anything about design with her. This nice girl, she's smart. For chrissake, i just love smart people. She came to the swimming pool knowing nothing about swimming but Gou Pa the first day. And what i did, i taught her breaststroke the first day and freestyle the second. Then my dad saw it and said, look that girl freestyles better than you do.

Anyways, i guess i'd better cut the crap, i mean, i wrote too much, and don't even know what the hell i'm talking about, cuz it totally shifted from where i started from. Now what i'm thinking about its, i'm gonna meet ruosin at starbucks tomorrow, the chinese girl from german i met in Canada, jesus christ. I mean, fianally.
Start to think about it, i'm hopefully gonna meet Holden the Forza in a few days. I love talking to him, I really do.

Boy, was i crazy. For chrissake, i read too much catcher in the rye.